What it means when a girl calls you a Tool.

Sit down.

If you are thinking about it, then you’re not a tool. You’re not a tool in the way your mother might tell you you’re not stupid, you just did something stupid.

If you’re thinking about it, you should probably sit down. Because this will be a different type of thinking. A foreign type. The type of thinking that females do without thinking.

You’ve done something toolish, and you need to figure out what.

So why didn’t she say ‘You’ve done something toolish’ then?

Because where’s the kick in that? Where’s the bite. The sting. Where’s the slight bit of hurt that might make you ponder. And from her point of view, where’s the satisfaction?

‘Tool’ encapsulates all manner of male failings, short of anything requiring an arrest, a divorce, a break-up*, or a simple parting of ways*.

Being called a tool is like being called a man. An ordinary, flesh and blood with a standard side of toolishness man. Not the type of man she read about in books or saw on a big screen.

What is that flutter? Is that an emotion? Anger? Indignation? Frustration? Fear of inadequacy? Are you comforting your with the giant hole you see in her logic?

What about the women in books and movies?

There is a fundamental reason why this supposed hole shrinks and closes.

Men aren’t dreamers the way women are. They won’t sigh at the end of a book, or go teary-eyed during a movie. They don’t imagine their lives making epic tales, complete with a leading main character. They won’t dream of finding someone to rival the heroes living between pages or curled on a film roll. Well, maybe they will dream. But they won’t expect it.

Women will.

You’ve been called a tool because you failed her. Yes yes, but how? What did you do?

DO NOT ASK THAT.

Asking will result in a death glare. Or a death smile and the dreaded ‘Nothing’.

If you’re wondering what they mean, it’s that your failing is so screamingly obvious that she cannot comprehend you not hearing it. Inside, she’d question your status as a creature with higher brain function.

You have to know. You have to figure it out. At the very least, you have to really think about it.

If you care, that is.

If you don’t, don’t be silly;she knows. She might not want to accept it, simply because she’s content to let things continue, but she does know. She won’t be surprised by the ending.

And following that, she’s not surprised that you’re toolish.

So why all the fuss?

Because she wants you to not be.

She wants you to never fail her. To be someone she can be proud of and satisfied with. She wants you to care about her enough to not be toolish. Because if you care about her, you think about her, and if you think about her, you don’t fail.

So what qualifies as a failure?

Now that you’re sitting down thinking about this, one would hope you’ve thought of some things. I’m sure they’re the obvious, clichéd things which I’m not going to mention.

I will, however, tell you that the tiniest of things can equal a fail. The smallest of blunders. Inactions that just slipped through the spaces between your outside life and your life with her.

They are so small, I’m sorry to say that you won’t see them when you put your memories on rewind to search. To you, they were nothing. They don’t count. And why would you remember something that was nothing. But to her, they exposed inattention.

So, what? She wants attention 24/7?

Not exactly.

She wants you to want to give her your full attention all the time. And ideally, to actually give it when you can. Not after everything else, when there’s nothing left. First. In between. During if possible, and after.

So I’ve basically told you that you are inherently toolish and you’ll never be able to figure out what you did that was toolish.

All you can do is hope she forgets, or wear a cup and ask her.

*On-going toolishness will result in this.

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5 thoughts on “What it means when a girl calls you a Tool.

  1. Imran Siddiq says:

    Never been called a tool but the word muppet crops up now and again. I usually ponder of they are referring to a) me being foolish b) not agreeing with my view or c) wanting to shove their hand up my @@@@

    Good post

  2. Just brilliant 😛

    Thanks!

  3. Ahhh, women. The last great mystery… They love a bad lad – they hate it when he’s bad. They seek stability, but hate boring ‘stable’ guys. They expect us to be tough but vulnerable, sensitive (but not TOO sensitive), to be jealous but not obviously so, to be able to achieve anything single-handed, but still ‘need’ them and to suddenly develop the ability to turn off the part of us that recognises attraction in hot women the moment we sign up with them…
    Contradiction – thy name is woman.
    :0)

  4. Thomas Donohoe says:

    There is a glaring contradiction in this post…

    Column A : “You’ve been called a tool because you failed her. Yes yes, but how? What did you do? DO NOT ASK THAT.”

    Column B: “All you can do if is hope she forgets, or wear a cup and ask her.”

    Which is it exactly?

    Keep your composure!

  5. Ouu there’s a sneaky ‘if’ floating about there. It’s ok though, it’s gone now

    It’s more of a shifty-eyes contradiction than a glaring one.

    When she’s clearly not getting over it, and you really can’t figure out what you did, and you care enough to both want to know and want to fix it, only then should you resort to asking.

    If you notice the placement of the content of columns A and B in the post, the urgent warning to NOT ASK is halfway from the start and the advice to wear a cup and ask is at the very end.

    Asking before you’ve thought it through to the end is death. When there’s nothing left to do but ask or watch your unknown toolishness drive a wedge between you, then you don a cup (the necessity of the cup is directly proportional to her volatility) and you ask.

    Basically, don’t ask because you don’t want to think!

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